two days after xmas and not all presents are opened yet. sorry i havent blogged lately...
will upade this week with photos and stories

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busy day today, went shopping and bought a new pants for work and shoes too..
hanging out at the internet cafe

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she still doesnt understand me..

im not trying to force her to life me, im not even forcing her to look at me but i think she still doesnt get it...

i give up..sooner or later im going to end my life


this weeks idea...why banff??

ive thought about moving back to ontario to solve this but then theres a
chance that she has as well..but it might be ok because where we live in
ontaio is in the middle of nowhere kinda place.

Im at a place where i dont know what i want to do...im stuck...pissed off
its like this and just...well..um...i need time to myself...so fuck of...




ive been thinking about going back to ontario and staying there permanently,
which would be a good thing..i guess.

Seeing as now im hating banff. I think back to the first bit of high school
i loved st marys. It was a town i couldnt get enough of but then things went
so down a few years i started more and more to hate it.

I love banff now i wonder if in like 3 or four months ill hate banff..

which makes me wonder am i gonna hate every single town ive been in and also

lets say i hate banff and decide to live somewhere in the carribean or live
in the middle east...i wonder if shes gonna make me hate the town

the reason i hate st marys is because she was always there and then this
whole change in my life took place and one of the things i did was hate
it...i mean i could walk its streets but i really still hated it...

anyways theres your blog for the day

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no updates in a while

sorry ill update you all later!!

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no more ducking and running...

A lot of time when she comes near im almost running off to feel scared and
away from her. Well today i got over that. I wanted so much to move to
another till to help someone else but i had to stay... and i dont mean to
act like a stalker but unlike my other times of leaving just before she gets
there i stayed. I felt good. I mean me and her didnt talk but i was able to
not move...man that was good..

addicted to Lost...watched last episode of lost last night of season 2.
Leads you in confusion..michaeal goes home or somewhere with walt then the
crazy guy who knew jack in the running thing at night came back and the
button wasnt pushed. I liked when locke said "i was wrong" while forks
knives and plates were being thrown about. i wonder about the hyieroglyphics
after the button doesnt get hit...


gotta love the "bad numbers"

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another meme

"Write about a vivid dream youve had recently: Describe it, including your
personal interpretation and what it has to do with your current life

I had a dream about 2 months ago. It started out as me walking down the
street mindin my own business when all of a sudden i bumped into "you know
who" but it wasnt just her, there was her husband and her 3 kids. I stopped
and took a look at her for a few moments, trying to figure out why shed do
this to me and in a short moment i ran away down the street and jumped and
commited suicide. Thats when i woke up.

So how this relates to my current life is more and more im seeing look
alikes to "you know" with kids walking with them and it totally reminds me
of my dream...i wanted to chage this but i find it is too late..

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"You've been living a life filled with lies and it's time for you to come
clean. There's one lie in particular that's been eating at you and you have
to make right. Start off your response with: "I have a confession to make. I
never really . . . " and explain the harm the lie caused and how you intend
to rectify it."

I have a confession to make. I have always been lying to myself. You know
when you lie to yourself. I used to come home from school and tell my mom
everything was ok, but i was really just covering it up. There was some deep
feelings i was trying to hide.

I have never wanted someone more than the girl of my dreams. Even though it
sounds stupid but i try to get over her but the more i do the more i get
sent back to being 0% over her.

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U2 by U2

So the u2 book is out, had i been a u2.com paid member this little wonder would have been sent to me in the mail or i would have had to but it...but now im living in a town thats not got a section of music books, i shall stroll over there later to see if they sell it...but i doubt it..


top 98 things about me (meme)

98. My middle name is: i have two, laverne stanley

97. I was born on: april 17th 1981

96. Your sign: aries

95. My cell phone company: Telus Mobility

94. My eye color: unsure
93. My shoe size is: 9

92. My ring size is: no fucking clue lol

91. My height is: 5′11″

90. I am allergic to: bees??

89. I was born in: london ontario

88. I live in: banff
87. The last book I read: Bono the Interview by Michka Assayas
86. My bed is: not fuckin big enough!

85. One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex: That I’ll never understand them.

84. I am glad I’m my sex because: men are the stronger sex of course.

83. My favorite Holiday is: summer!!

82. The perfect kiss is: One shared with my someone from my future.

81. The last three cd’s I bought are:I can’t remember.Alot of those 20th century master ones.

80. My most treasured possessions are: My photographs and my memories

79. What did you do last night?: watched another few episodes of 2nd season of Lost
78. My skin’s reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): I burn every single freaking time.

:::::I Do (YES)/Do Not (NO) Believe In:::::

77. Santa? Not anymore

76. Love at first sight? Yes I do

75. Luck? never had any
74. Fate? Definitely

73. Aliens? No

72. Heaven? Yes

71. Hell? Yes
70. Ghosts? Yes

69. Horoscopes? Yes, im addicted to them...

68. Soulmates? Definitely

:::::Which is Better?:::::

67. Hugs or Kisses: Both?

66. Boxers or Briefs: Boxers

65. Red heads or Black hair: Black

64. Blondes or Brunettes: Blondes

63. Hot or cold: Neitther...Warm

62. Summer or winter: Ok Heres my story...i hate summer because i hate bees, i hate winter because its always so cold...myabe i like spring and fall. I have ways of coping with this in tact banff hast two main seasons all four ar halved into 2 and i call them Wummer and Sinter. Do the Math!

61. Coffee or tea: Tea

60. Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate

59. Night or Day: Probably gotta be night

58. Oranges or Apples: Apples

57. Curly or Straight hair: Straight

:::::Here’s What I Think About:::::

56. Abortion: A choice only a woman can make. Whatever she feels is right for her.

55. Backstabbers: They can kiss my ass!

54. Parents: I love my parents, and I miss them

53. School: I’m glad I’m outta there

::::Last time I:::

52. Kissed someone: never

51. Last time I hugged someone: last week

50. Seen someone I haven’t seen in a while:number of weeks ago i was walking home and saw an old freind from my high school from my old hometown in ontario


49. Who is the ditziest person you know: Gotta be meself lol

48. Who makes you laugh the most: People on TBS

47. One thing I’m mad about right now is: Oh, I’m mad? I hadn’t noticed.

46. The last movie I saw in the theater was: Dukes of Hazzard but maybe there was one earlier than that...

45. The thing I don’t understand is: Life

44. The most unsatisfactory answer I’ve ever received is: Whatever

43. This summer I am: enjoying alot...

42. Something I will really miss when I leave home is: I left home years ago, I missed havin me laundry washed.

41. The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: is proving to those few ive moved on.

40. Today: Bored as shit. Enjoying life as long as i can, but i cant do it much longer
39. Next Week: Probably still bored as shit

38. Next Summer: Hopefully make a trip back home

37. People call me: Diesel, Dman and squints (long story)

36. The person who knows the most about me is: my sister and brother of course

35. The person that can read me the best is: my sister

34. The most difficult thing to do is: write songs again

33. I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope!

32. The one person who can’t hide things from me: ??

31. Right now I am talking to: a computer
30. I have/will get a job at: safeway in banff

29. I have these pets: none with me...1 dog back home in ontario

28. The worst sound in the world: the one that jim carey made in dumb and dumber

27. The person that made me cry the most was: i dont think i should talk about it anymore
26. My bf/gf/friend is: never had one
25. Florida or hawaii: Hawaii

24. My favorite piece of clothing is: my jean jacket which im wearing right now

23. My favorite sports are: Football and Hockey,
22. Last time I cried: uhhh ….. not too long ago.. oh wait! Yesterday afternoon!

21. Last person who hurt you: lets not talk about it

20. The all-time best movie is: Star Wars

19. The all-time best thing in the world is: Hate

18. The all-time best person you know is: my mom
17. The most annoying thing ever is: when in bf2, being shot in the middle of reloading when you are close to where the person is..
16. I lose all respect for people who: Show themselves to be untrustworthy, and not friends.

15. The movies I have cried at are: Quite a few.

14. TV show ur watching: Lost, how id love to be lost...
13. Favorite web site: My own?? lol

12. I want to be: myself more often
11. The worst pain I was ever in was: you dont know pain till you walk down the main street at midnite to figure out things...
10. My favorite phrase: "born to have it and have it he shall"

9. My room has: a guitar, a air bed, a few shelves and my clothes, im not yet in a place of my own...

8. My favorite celebrities are: Edge
7. The hottest celebrity is: unsure...pam anderson?

6. Your strongest feature is: Compassion and caring I guess

5. My weakness is: i often dont know what im doing im just doing what i feel is right..

4. If you could be anyone in the world, who would you be? id like to be a loser
3. Who broke your heart?: the girl of my dreams...shame on me..
2. I filled out 98 questions because: I had nothing better to do

1. What do you want?: Just the Time of day~


"my heart is longing for you love"

Ive been thinking alot about someone latley. At points in my life id used to
laught a bit or sorta chuckle at some thoughts. But now whenever i think
about what i used to think about and um, i just emotionally cant go on. I
moved to banff to change my life and make things better for myself. I had
spent 4 years in a sort of blur in my life i was just getting to find the
way out of my depression and a way out period...i got so close to actually
getting over "you know who".

It looks as if someone from above (ie god) is trying to force me down a path
i dont want to be on. Ive had the worst habit since grade 9 of what i call
"duck and run" there are times when i have used this habit over the past. If
i remeber it correctly i was at grad night in 2000 and the one moment i go
over and over the most is from that night. I had finished supper (we were
eating at a steakhouse in london ontario) and i just thought id be nice and
i decided to get up and walk around and talk to everyone.

I talked to pretty much everyone at that point and i even was offered a beer
to chug (everyone in the last few year of high school knew that i could chug
a whole beer. I didnt finish it because as i was making a fool of myself i
kinda noticed someone was looking at me.

Anyways i made myself around to where "she" was sitting. her boyfreind at
the time was sitting there. I knew him quite well. I stood there talking to
him for a while and then just like as if it were a dream she was walking
towards me. She was coming back from getting food. This is the moment i most
regret. I had to do my "duck and run routine" if i had more will power i
could have easily stayed there and told her how i felt and then i could
acheive something they call closure. Even if we were never together i could
live with spilling my gut. But i was scared. Unsure of wether to say
something...i ran...and 4 years later i continued to run...running away from

There has always been a feeling that comes to me when she is near. I started
feeling it once again earlier this year. I started to panic because i was
worried that now she hase moved from wherever she was in ontartio. I still
ask myself why banff?? why not bassano or lloydminster or whavever...

anyways its just a shit show here. Its like phsyically ducking and running
while im at work...sometimes when she comes in i rush off to the washroom or
somewhere to hide...i dont know why though...anyways i want to try going to
the guy i know in banff who does hypnotherapy. Mabe he can help me with
removing thoughts and dreams. Because its just not worth it.

ok thats all...later!!

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ideas on marrage and love

Its been coming into my inner voice for a while now but ive been meaning to
talk about marriage and romance and love issues.

Im noticing it more and more that marriages only last for under a year and
for others just a short time. I think its because theres no real feeling of
love between two people. Its merely just an "i love you" thing...not much
more for some people.

What love is really all about is like jack and rose in titanic where lets
say someone was married with somoene else then the husband or the wife gets
killed in some freak accident and the man is left alone. If the man shrugs
it off and doesnt think about what he just lost its not love at all.

As they say love can move mountains, and well it cant physically do that, it
feels like it. It should be like the movie the village where the two are
deeply in love. Most people i know are hardly in love at all.

There are many ways of love. Romanitc love, unrequeted love and love shyness
and there are other forms. I got caught up in unrequited love. Threw my
heart out to someone and that person never gave it back. You see i used to
go to mall fountains when im shopping in malls and i used to make a wish. I
always kept it secret but now i shall reveal all that what i used to say
when i made is wish was "i wish i was with..." i said that whole thing
every time...shall i search for a genie in a bottle to actually make that
with come true.

Something ive been thinking about lately. Ive been wondering if this is once
again unreqited or romantic love, but back in high school at the assembly's
that they had. I would search tirelessly throught all the faces in the crowd
for her. If i was in the bleachers sitting id look down and search for her
face after that id look at her for a moment.

it was just like how this short guy in this music video looks at the lady
that hes been thinking about.


more to come in time

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does the thought of the word help! make sense to anyone?

ok heres the story, i am stuck right now...not emotionally but more of um uh oh...

i had totally forgotten about the bee i swallowed last year, turns out it wants out...scaring me to death by the way, cant eat sleep cant do anything....

ahh im practicaly dread...


arrg...now im stuck...

no matter where i go, i cant go..what that means is...um...well..

lets say if i wanted to go down to the river to reflect on my life i cant...because someone from my past who is in town only to rub in the fact that shes married and has kids.

so im a frantic person today..im hiding in the underground so i can hide from her...

im scared....afraid....later


CD's I have recently bought and CD's i am looking for

I recently Bought

20th Century Masters-The Gin Blossoms
Collective Soul-7even Year Itch
Tragically Hip-Up to Here
U2-Under a Red Blood Sky

What im looking for

80's 90's U2 Singles
or any other well known 90's bands "best of" album


a nice update...

i havent spent much time lately postig about how i feel. Ive spent more time
worrying about someone from my past who im still trying to get an update
from my old freinds to know if she was ever out here or if this was just a
sortin out kinda thing to myself...

That IYWTVD song about 2-3 posts below is quite the song eh? It takes me
back to high school, i always listened to that song when i was at home. Who
knows someday ill be saying "but if you wear that velvet dress, i guess

well theres not much going on tonite!!

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hello from canmore-ish..

here i am in the beautiful town of canmore doing my own touring around. First place i was gonna look for was that mountain rocks store, and hey i found it, so im next door at the internet cafe chatting about what im up to...im just explring canmore...

im going back to mountian tocks because i saw 2 cd's that i havent seen on the shelves of other music stores they are the u2 -under a red blood sky dvd and cd!!

see ya soon!!


ive got personal problems..

looks like im gonna be spending tonite walking the streets...im not broke or
homeless ive just personal problems.

Most nights before a day off im usually roamin down banff ave trying to
figure out what is going on in my life trying to answer the problems ive
been faced with...

so ill be walkin down banff ave sometime tonite


i think my blog ideas and thoughts on here will change....

what goes on in my blog here is more of like whats going on in my head alot
of the times but is more like an extension of what im thinking about as i
sit here.

Id like to have more of a, "while im walking home late at night as im
talking to myself" kind of blog. I get more stuff out that way but it doesnt
stay there very long, i guess i could mobile blog it but txt messinging on
my phone is hard enough to blog what im thinking as im thinking it would be
more of what i want like lets say one of those earphone phones are used to
text what im saying into words and blog it but then i run ito problems when
people can see me and i look like im talking to no-one!!

ah well nevermind...well that breaks the ice for this blogging...

whats new for me? whats new for me...? hmm...well theres alot of things
going on in my life, not to say work but in personal life some things are
getting in the way. Its kinda like saying you are doing nothing but you are
doing something...understand? well anyways there are alot of things going
on that im either worried about or feel threatend by but yet when you look
you see nothing...

umm...ok so theres a person whos back and closer to where i am each day than
id like to be but im ok with that. The only thing that really bugs me is
when i listen to cd's on my porch which faces tunnel and i can only see a
few short feet of rundle (what a veiw).. anyways everytime i come out on
the porch to play guitar, listen to music i get a small audience from a
house north from me...grizzly street? cougar? i cant remeber which one...but
anyways theres out there listening. what reason for i have no freicken

second thing is at 8:30 am or so i get wakened up by the sound of hammers.
They are building a house and so every morning theyre out there hammering,
if you listesn without looking at them it sounds like they are just hitting
the wood at various speeds and as if for fun.

so anyways the ideas you hear in this blog may not be ones im thinking about
as of this moment they might have been though of some night at like 2am as
im making my way home..

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people used to say to me,

i woukdnt bother with "you know who" and i never really thought of it that
way. I always persisted in being courteous and sublime in ways. But now ive
learned something else. I was worng to even want her. Back about 5 years ago
i would have never realized this but as you all know time heals the heart
and its about time that ive been healed good enough to say i love ym life.

Im not in heart breake mood anymore, its like overnight i feel happier....

im still mad i made the decision to even want her. but i guess i can easily
get over that..heck that wont take very long...which brings me to another
point, what was it that made me want her in the first place? what was i
thinking?? i should have gone out with the 3-4 other people that trued to
ask me out...thats where i belong...

anyways...stuff to think about

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now im really confused.

if anyone is listen to me right now, im so confused right now. I feel like im well in some sort of mind trap with someone and i feel like im in a bad dream.

i wish i could wake up right now. like this is the time that usually in my dreams id want to wake up. But im not waking up....whats real and whats fake...arrg....im so confused...


ooh nice horroscope!!

Someone is looking for an intriguing influence or inspiration, and given
your stature within the group, you could fit the bill perfectly. A surge of
confident energy hits you either today or tomorrow, and it helps you realize
how much influence you truly have. Important people are paying attention to
you right now, and you might not be noticing how many questions they're
suddenly asking. There are plans in the works -- and your name keeps popping

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i have been restricted to home and work

this is it....the last straw!! i will never ever go to brunos ever again...its that way because i am not knowing anyone in there anyways...


i never thought it would come to this...

but im setting up my "no fly zone"or to speak. The places i cannot go in

in no set up order

1)Bow falls
2)sit by the river
3) ??? right now i have no idea

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I was wrong to think...

that i could try to "win her" over. I mean she has other guys that i think
are so desperate to be with her that im sure a person like me wouldnt really
matter to her.

But let me ask you, why would, all of a sudden this thought of her come into
my mind. I mean beforehand i had not even thought once about her...just like
4-5 months ago when my life was ok and i was going to be ok. But i hit the
brick wall and now all i can think about is her. I try hard to forget, and
move on but nope, still got my head and heart on her.

I have officially become somewhat of a recluse, i cant go where i want to go
downtown, but im gonna have to not worry about work. But every night theres
no going out on my porch no doin nothin but home and work!!!


crag and canyon horroscope wrong..

this horroscop comes out every tuesday when the paper does. I cant remember the whole of what it said but it said tonite or sometime this week im going to face a challenge....well tonites almost over i havent faced a challenge

.the one from yahoo says

"Consistency is an important part of your life right now, and it has enabled you to decrease your stress level quite a bit. Today the placid surface of your life gets stirred up a bit, but this is something you've been waiting for -- and looking forward to. It's not an upheaval; it's an invigoration. This change is a darn good one, full of lots of positive opportunities and some possible financial benefits as well. Never before has an earthquake yielded such a beautiful landscape"

not sure that happened today...

anyways so much for astrology


i think im gonna become a recluse..

Ill find a house that has no windows and truly become a recluse, i dont ever
want to be seen or i dont want to see others.

This i say right now because my life doesnt need to be seen, my life is at
rock bottom. Dont even try to change that..

im trying to get things sorted out...


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the deepest dream ive ever had.

last night was extremely the worst the most deep dream ive ever had in my
life. I had somehow found myself right next to "you know" i was trying to
tell her something but she didnt want to hear it so i got really mad, like
really mad and in some way had left showing her my hatrid of the
situation...how she couldnt listen to me...

it just kept going on and on and on and on!!!


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i give up

all these years ive been stuck with questions as to how i could have avoided
being where i am at right now. Its like that reo speedwagon song i cant
fight this feeling anymore.

I can feel "her" presense in banff and i dont like it, if my life wasnt so
bad enough now its worse, my life sucks.

Im ready to give up on a goal or objective i had back in high school just to
well meet het or talk to her but now i give up, she can go ahead and get
married, have her kids and enjoy her life as my life dwindles towards

i know in words on this blog it doesnt mean much or make much sense but this
is how ive felt for like 4-5 months now. i just wish i could fall off the
face of this earth....


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i just want to live my life

I want to be able to enjoy the summer, not have to sit behind the door,
listen to my stereo from inside....everytime i sit on my porch with music
theres this whole family on the hill that comes out to watch....i dont want
to live that way..


"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2


just when i thought i was gonna think about...

what i should do as regards to an album from me, i uh give up my
songwriting. My singing sucks, so from here on in have no singer songwriting

thanks for all the people who got me here!!

"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2


so im supposed to focus on the positive...???

Had an appointment at mental clinic to talk about all of my shit. Got really
into it and she mentioned that all i am doing is focusing on the negative.

In her words she said lets say you are in a canoe and you see a rock, dont
stare at the rock or you will go in that direction and hit the rock, look at
the way you want to go and you will go in that direction.

So what she means is im focusing on travelling in the negative way. Im
heading towards the rock because all i am is negative. When i think of being
rejected i think of being a nobody, its such a deep deep feeling that its
hard to steer the boat in the other direction.

I think its gonna be hard becauce im really am searching for a new direction
in that sense but its like theres a vaccum that says stay with the

it was a good hour talk. I see her in a bout a week or 2. Im not sure if i
can tell her what i really am feeling i keep lying to myself!!!

"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2

"search for himself in his lovers eyes"....

Anyone familiar with the phrase searching for youreself in someone
else??. Think about the last time you saw youreself in youre next car,
or how you saw youreself in someone else. It was best said in a u2
song called "slow dancing" bono sings "and i dot know why a man,
search for himself in his lovers eyes". I think it sums up alot of how
im feeling right now.

ive been searching for myself in someone else, but that someone else i
screwd up on. As much as many people believe, that was the only person
i could find myself in. Too bad i didnt have another chance to change

I dont think alot of people know what real love is, when youve never
had it, you appreciate that is there if you ever get it. But when most
are in love they dont really know the powers it beholds.

Heres something ive never let loose. I find sometimes the dreams i
have involve, well uh....emails. Like from her, being sent to me, they
feel so real that i wake up and check my email to find theres nothing
there...what a fricken waste of time.

Ive hit rock bottom in my life, no one is my friend not that i really
need them right now im a total loss, good thing im not drinking or
this post would be worse.

have a good night...

"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2


One of the most influential songs helping me blog is..

Usually when i write a long blog, it usually some from listening to either
james blunt's youre beautiful like 3,000 times or i ve listened to a u2 song
over and over.

But right now im listeing to sometimes you can make it on your own by u2. Up
next is all i want is you.

So this is just great for now. The only thing now is i have no idea what to
write about Well you could say that ive been having a hard time enjoying the
last few days. When i look at the mountans from my porch all i see the left
side of tunnel and a tiny bit of rundle. Then the 1st thing that strikes me
as weird is this huge house on that is the 1st thing i see then i look at
the mountains from my porch. I mean youd have to be blind not to see it.

To make matters worse at work all i see is beatiful women that anyday id
take but being the dorky nerd i am i really ignore them because, well i dont
know why. Its starting to cramp my style, im becoming more confused and not
surew where to turn to.

Anyways i enjoyed being home in ontario for the 1-2 weeks i was there. Got
to see at least 1 of my gazillion friends while i was there. Bumped into a
guy who was just like me in high school, really dark dark glasses he wore
almost 3/4 of the way thru school, to this day im not sure how he could see
through them. They were that dark!!

But now hes working for the local paper as some sore of rep in the
advertising feild. Sounds like hes having fun!!

Other than that i didnt get to see anyone else i know...everyone is either
in some other town or is in college and living in that same city..

well this was great. dam that all i want is you can help so much in writing
and writing..

Have a good day and enjoy whatever game you watch these days dawn!!

"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2


its been a while...

uploading a few new songs


"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2


good to be home

Im sitting at home in otario now and enjoying the +30 degree weather, except
for this aft as you can tell we had really bad storm. Rain, bits of hail.

well theres not much else left..

I recored a new version of alone...check it out on my soundclick..



"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2


kelly kelly kelly...

back in october on my extended visit to ontario i had the chance to go into
singing sessions. the lady in the store who i had lessons with was also a
singer songwriter. she one told me that i really didnt didnt need lessons
because i was good enough...i even had a really good falsetto.

Its been ages since ive been able to keep in contact with her but lately my
mother picked up her new cd called the darkness and the dawn. it had such
beautiful lyrics melodies and voice..

ive been waiting for a way to keep in contact with her. I got her email and
sent her one and i wasnt sure if she would even rember me but this is what
she said..

"darren, of course i remember you...
you had the unique, dylan vocal. awesome. how are you? how is life in the
west? are you still singing out there? writing music? i hope so. you are
thankyou for being so supportive of my music, i appreciate it...seriously.
it's an interesting cd, as most of the songs, except for like 3 are
OLD...years old...im writing very differently now, and am playing with a
band...so it's just...different, but good...ill try and send you some l inks
to what we are doing now...

thankyou for keeping in touch, that's awesome. talk again soon!

rock on....im like dylan...shes um melotonic ?? at heart..


"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2


new meme...

question...whats is one info/artifact from youre home town that has significant meaning or is famous or well known..

heres mine...

junction station...

"In 1979 the Parks and Monuments Board of the Department of Canadian Heritage officially recognized the Junction Station as a nationally significant historic site.

The Junction Station sits at the edge of the town of St. Marys, a solitary building unlike the busy railway station it once was. At its pinnacle of activity in the 1860s and 70s, the Junction saw three trains a day each way to and from London and the same number on the line between Sarnia and Toronto.

Countless passengers stopped at the Junction in its 80 year lifespan, including King George VI and Queen Elizabeth during their Royal Tour of Canada in 1939. Another famous figure associated with the Junction is Thomas Edison, who may have worked at the Junction as a night telegraph operator in the 1860s when he was a teenager.

The Junction Station was built in 1858 from locally quarried limestone and was operational until January 1941 when the CNR terminated the building's public function. In 1965 the CNR announced its plans to demolish the Junction, resulting in a public outcry for the preservation and eventual restoration of this historic building. In 1979 the Parks and Monuments Board of the Department of Canadian Heritage officially recognized it as a nationally significant historic site.

In 1993 the Junction was designated under the Heritage Railway Stations Act, reviving earlier efforts to restore the building. A "Save the Junction" committee was formed and with the assistance of volunteer labour and local fundraising, a number of repairs were made. The Town of St. Marys was successful in its efforts to purchase the building and the restoration process has moved slowly forward. Many improvements have been made, including the installation of electricity in the spring of 2000.

The Junction remains a testament to a community working together to save a historically significant building."


"baby im coming hoooome...."

well officially i have started planning for the summer..

going home for a few days-week
going to get membership @sally borden and work out often...
play my guitar down by the river as often as i can..

so far so good!!

"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2


where have i been

ive been meaning to post on my blog more. Seems i havent...

Ok firstly, i havent posted in nearly a week...how has my week gone?? um
kinda ok. In many ways its great. i have a new roomate, i know youre
thinking "what, another roomate? i thought you just got a new roomate?" well
i had the auzzie ryan for about 4 days,then someone else in the house left
and he moved upstaris or downstairs...so now i have i guy named carl or
something like that, he plays guitar and works at the spaghetti factory...

went to go take my froster out of the freezer so i could finish it off but
it was frozen and tasted awfull!!

Oh and i have a note to HC, i do believe you are enjoying youre 2nd or last
week here in banff!!

Have fun in vancouver and Good luick hence cliffdart!!

"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2


almost cried in my dream...

If what i saw in my dreams will happen in the future i dont want to be
around to witness. I saw eria again, and hey she had gotten married, had 3
kids, and i somehow bumped into her and i couldnt live with myself knowing i
had more feelings for her than anyone she dated. I actually commited suicide
in my dream....

i cant believe how deep it was...

"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2


wish i still had it..

about 2- 3 years ago i had written this song called "ballad" and i had recorded it and it did ok for the time being back in like 2002-3 but now i want to find it....so heres the "great canadian -look for - darren's- old- song contest.

the lyrics go as follows



i went out west and wasn't worried
but when i landed back home
i felt so sad
and i felt so mad
that i was home
and only a short time away
from a girl
that i waited 4 years ti say


but i dont have that chance anymore
im walking right out the door
to this life that im living
it makes me want to quit it
i dont know what im saying,
its this dumb song im playing
the same 3 chords all the time
but i dont feel this way all the time
im waiting for someone
to share this instant romance
someone who shares interests
and really likes to dance
but im stuck here all alone
no one has called me on the phone
no one knows that i exist
its something that i miss?




FW: Weird

OK go to this site:
http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi (just copy
and paste it into a new window) & enter YOUR name in
the box & hit the Sloganize button. It will give you a
cool slogan as you see below. Add it to the list and
copy & paste this to your friends and the person you
sent it to you. Have fun.


1. Wendy - Time To Make The Wendy............lol< BR>2. Matt - A Matt A Day
Helps You Work Rest & Play
3. Taylor - Chocolate Taylor since 1911
4. Mark - Don't Get Mad, Get
5. Ariane - Ariane is Job 1
6. Dustin - The other white meat. LMAO!!!!
7. Amanda is our middle name!
8. Christina - Australian for beer -that worked out
kinda creepy.... im being
9. Kat - It's that Kat feeling.
10. Fiona - A fiona's too wet without one! ..... lmao!
11. Candace - Would you give someone your last
Candace?- awe, how sweet....
13. Emily - Pure Emily. and thats all i have to say!
14. Megan - "Whatever you're into, get into Megan"
hahaha oh dear...
15. Kara - "Come One, Come All to Kara" lol, i don't
know if I like the sound of that. 16.
Shandi - Four out of Five dentists recommend Shandi! -
w.e that means...
17. NIKOLE-Does She or Doesn't She? Only Her Nikole
Knows for Sure.
18. Wh itney - Happiness is a Cigar called Whitney.
19. Liane - "I want my Liane!"
20. Randi - " Things Go Better with Randi" haha, I
love it
21. Andrew:Feel The Raw Naked Andrew Of The Road.
22. Daniela: Come Fly The Friendly Daniela
23. Bronwyn: "Gives a meal Bronwyn-appeal" Mmmmmmm
24. Jeanine " Jeanine Is
Good For You" - LMAO... oh
25. Jenny : "Jenny. It's what's for dinner"-- omg! lol
26. Jillian: "Drink a Pinta Jillian A Day"
27. Dave: �Mama�s Got The Magic Of Dave
28. Michelle: "Fill it to the rim with Michelle" ----I love it!!

29. Alana: "I feel like Alana tonight" - yeah, baby!
30. Candice: "Just Do Candice." --how do ya like that?
31. Ryan- "Live in Your Ryan,Play in Ours."
32.Keely: "I am Stuck on Keely, 'Cause Keely's Stuck on Me." Awwww
isn't that special
33. jeremy: got jeremy?
34. Lindsay: "Wouldn't you rather be Lindsay?"
35. Bonnie: "Four out of Five Dentists Recommend Bonnie"
36. Ashle y: "Gonna be a while? Grab an Ashley" - lmao
7. Heather: "double the pleasure, double the heather"
�38. Jennifer: "Life should taste as good as Jennifer"
39. Barbara:� 8 out of 10 owners who expressed a preference said their cats
preferred Barbara
40. There is no wrong way to eat a Stacey! OH MY GOD
41.Gonna be a while? Grab a Brandy.
42.Just do Mary-Lynn
43.If only everything was as reliable as an Irwin!
44. BEHOLD the POWER of Claudia !!!!!!!!
45. Please don't squeeze the Kate
46. Everything we do is driven by Marnie
47. Krista tested, mother approved.
48. I think, therefore Shannon.
49. Welcome to Marshall Country
50.The Darren that Smiles Back


i took my bike out today thinking id get some time with it since in banff
its relatively warm but i notice that my biuke still needs work on...my
brakes squeel when im going faster than normal...like if i bike to the
nearst stop sign doing a couple pedals i cant seem to stop it from
squeeling...maybe i need new brake lines?

i dunno...

Ive got lots of time...

"if i cant change the world, i can change the world in me"-u2


whoever anonymous was,,

thank you...

thank you..

Some of the viewers to my site might have rembered that time about the end of january on this year where i was really mad at myeslf and really aggrivated..
and you might have rembered a person around there posting as anonomous who posted a link to this preacher site...im finally reading it now..
I wan to mention to you that it really is like my life..

"The Christian spiritual path begins with stark humility. It begins with an admission that the voice has haunted you and that you have not been able to overcome it. If ours was a 12-step program, step two would be admitting that a power greater than yourself will have to help you deal with the voice."

its very interesting how this is tue


its warming up...

its about -1 or 0 degrees this week but i feel it will go colder for a short time then go back to warming up then spring will be over...and summer will start.

Someone took our chairs from the porch. So i took a stool from the kitchen, so i wll give it back tonite. I need to get some batteries for my digital camera!!

Im going downtown soon...



its a long day...

I want to ask dawn what song you might hear when you are writing blogs everytime or what helps to write..

i pick alot of sad songs which help me write....im listening to james blunt's youre beautiful....its so like my life...

so what do you listen to while writing??



Dawn, sorry i changed my mind

Accent: I origionally lived in ontario so uh..i have an albertontarian accent...

Booze of Choice: None. Would have been kokanee or coors but im quiting drinking.

Chore I hate: ? what chores...do i have to do them before work??!??

Dog or Cat: who needs pets in banff?

Essential Electronics: Cd Player/Boombox...on the go or at home

Gold or Silver: Gold

Hometown: St Manff, enuff said!! (you wont find it on any map!!)

Insomnia:?? never uh...maybe ive..uh had it?

Title: Courtesy Clerk

Kids: might want one when im older

Living Arrangments: I live in the state of confusion....enough said

Most Admired Trait: This one is a tough one, I really dont know if there is anything admirable about me.

# of Sexual Partners: my grand total is - 0

Over Night Hospital stays: Nope

Phobia: Bees, I hate having dreams of them things. It is a real phobia, I cant deal with them, even if I wanted to but I perfer not to.

Quote: "Born to have it and have it he shall"-bono talking about adam.


Siblings: One brother and one sister.

Time I wake up: Around 9:15am

"Unusual Skill: Unsure...

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: hmm...dont know...would be more of the exotic ones like mangoes and ones like that

Worst Habit: Farting in publik. I still think its one of the funniest things in the world.Xrays: Both ankles, left wrist and thats about it there.

Yummy Food I Can Make: I can make pretty good smokies...theyre like any young kid who can only make kraft dinner..

Moment of Zen:ignore this one i dont know what zen is...


hence cliffdart

Brian from Hence Cliffdart,(vocal and guitar)

and adam goring"drummer" (also writes and photographs for the C and C)

unfortunately i dont have any photos of rick (bass)


what if?

I was thinking about this for a while now.

What if st marys ontario and banff alberta were the same?

It sounds weird but they have some socially simular things going on. If we take st marys for example, its a small little town just outside london ontario. Pretty much everyone knows everyone else, well in banff its somewhat but not totally the same. Alot of people who live in banff used to live somewhere else.

I dont know the actual stats but my guess is that people come from other provinces in canada.

Ontario 30% (guestimate)

Manitoba 20%

Saskacchewan 10%

BC 5%

Eastern Provinces 20% (NFLD,PEI etc)

It would be cool to have banff and st marys together, call it st-banff or st manff as you walk down banff ave you stare at the mountains then half way down the street it turns into a sloping hill and you see all the people you know from that town...

Welcome to Stmanff, where the mountains and folk get along...

hah hah ahha hha ah



short and sweeet..

havent had time to update blog, having fun working...feeling sick
lately...getting tons of sleep...called in sick yesterday, slept from 10am
tues till 9:15 wed!!! thats like 22+ hours!

ater lay


dawns photo searching thingee

1. The city and province of the town where you grew up, no quotation marks

2. The town where you currently reside.

3-4 i have to skip i cant get darren and my grandmothers name as a picture

5. Your favorite food.

6.Your Favorite Drink

7.youre fav smell


8. Youre Fav Song

well this turned out to be not happening...whats going on??


You're busy and loving it. In fact, you're so happy to be doing what you're doing that you're ready to take on the world. You may not have to work today, but you should definitely make a plan. If you play your cards right, you might actually be able to spend some quality time with a loved one on Tuesday -- Valentine's Day -- or at least spend a few hours preparing a very special, very memorable evening



Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Darren Elliott

13 things i love to do in banff..

1.Go to the underground internet studio

2.Take photos of the great mountains

3.walk around bored like hell

3.Go to johnny ray's restaurant for a good time

4.work hard at safeway

5.on days off go skiing

6.do errands

7.go to watch a movie

8.rent a movie

9.go to brunos during the day

10.go to brunos on a Wed night and watvh good talented musicians play.

11.sitting here in my room

12.taking a cab home (cause its cooold)

13.buying junk food at Mac's

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


another open mic wednesday!!

Just Left brunos to come to the underground to tell you i played tonite and
really enjoyed playing. I played "alone" which hasnt been played for a while
then i played SYCMIOYO. I really like "alone" and the way i play it is good.

This rozetta or roz lady is so good with her music, she has some sore of
multitrack foot pedal so that she can play a few bars of the beggining of a
song then go and sing the words to the song like the one i love called "i
know what i dont want anymore" and then when she gets into it she starts
having this musical orgasm with the flute.....i think shes brilliant and
she's playing a seagull!!!

I used to like listening to that stepanie girl but i havent seen her and she
probalby thinks im a creep!!



good day

long day but good day..

My cousin from auszzi land is here back in banff!!

He used to live eat and sleep in banff a few years ago but now hes back from
near adelaide to visit...

i think hes only here for a week

for youre listening pleasure


brunos...bar and grill

If you have wondered waht im talking about with the words brunos bar and grill, heres more info on it..



anyone rember this thing

This is the intellivision, from the late 80's. While everyone was focusing on playing the latest nintendo and the others We were playing intellivision. it was fun, to fianlly be up to speed with the rest of the world.

Its amazing that i still rember this thing and some of the graphics that we used to see...heck they are nothing compared to what you get on these new gaming systems, like xbox and nintendo and PS2, but it was fun i tells ya!!!


whoa for soime reason my horroscopes are real!!

It's time to think about what's important to you -- but then, you don't need
to be told that. It's probably been next to impossible for you to focus on
anything else. If there's any way for you to excuse yourself from situations
that might require you to force yourself to act other than how you really
feel, better make arrangements bright and early to be unavailable. If a
situation demands your presence, get in and out as quickly as you can

that is so true...especially in the part that says its next to impossible to
focus on anything...


really mean recurring dreams...

ive been having the same dream for the last 3-4 days. Its been very
interesting. I can hear "whover is talking" and shes being really rude...i
dont kno whats going on...

if anyones reading this blog let kne know if you kno whats going on!!



Ten Top Trivia Tips about Darren Elliott!

  1. If you chew gum while peeling Darren Elliott then it will stop you from crying!
  2. Humans share about fifty percent of their DNA with Darren Elliott!
  3. In Japan, Darren Elliott can only be prepared by chefs specially trained and certified by the government.
  4. About 100 people choke to death on Darren Elliott each year.
  5. Until the 1960s, Darren Elliott was not allowed to enter Disneyland!
  6. Darren Elliott is picked, sorted and packed entirely in the field.
  7. In a pinch, the skin from a shark can be used as Darren Elliott.
  8. Darren Elliott, from the movie of the same name, had green blood.
  9. The most dangerous form of Darren Elliott is the bicycle.
  10. If you kiss Darren Elliott for one minute you will burn six or seven calories.
I am interested in - do tell me about


audtion results are waiting...

monday evening i went into canmore to audition for a play called "Ned
Durango goes to big oak" We werent autioning for certain parts, but for all
of them. Theres Kat, Orson and Tom and im sure a few other people...but im
ok not getting it..

tomorrow is open mic night.. see you there...


sunday day off sunday..

this is last day i will ever be using my 35 mm camera (Pentax PC 55) i had been using it for quite some time. it had gone unused for so long then i moved out here and used it full time. Nearly 50% of all photos on my photo album were taken with my camera...except fpr a few that used a disp camera.

Its felt like my own, my vantage point at life in banff alberta, but now it has to be laid down to rest, maybe sold on ebay, if i can get the flash to be fixed. Mybe ill send it to calgary to get it fixed then send it to the local banff radio shack and get them to sell it, it isnt brand new...itll find hard times being sold but someone will take care of it..

(ps this camera in the photo is not mine...its got scratches and duct tape holding pretty much each of its parts together...)

in other news the man my mom takes care of (as a job) had parkinsons and recently got ill, and ive noticed that the people that havew this disease get weaker and weaker when they get ill.

Tragically, just recently Tony (from st marys ontario) passed away. He had been in the hospital for a while lately and he got back to living his life and then passed away, our family got to know him very well and we will miss you tony..

MOMENT of Silence....starts now..

"so he woke up,
woke from where he was,
lying still said i gotta do something
about where im going

step on a steam train
step out of the drivin rain
maybe run from the darkness in the night

singing hale haleh halelujah"

my condolances... to tonys family..


fridays biodex and horroscope

this is how the calgary sun shows it...notice for april its like 4 5 and 2 =11 and look at positive part..

sorry bout the cut problem...you should be able to make it out...

"things are beginning to happen so keep the momentum going. Resurrect your ideas, only this time do it yourself instead of letting others get involved and take over.."


just missed her...

back on dec 8th, i met or sorta hung out with this girl who was with a bunch
of girls. We were waiting fora u2 tribute band concert. when i got to their
house i saw this girl that looked to like you know who, but we got to know
each other a bit. I saw her today at safeway but couldnt rember what her
name was...arrrg....and no im not stalking her


and tunnel mountain looks like....

tunnel is this big hump that separates us from the two mountains, cascade and rundle...very small but....worhtwhile...

2005 a life in review.

this is just a overvew of things that happened to me this year...im not going to do it date by date but i am going to show it  by stating the biggest thing that happened in that month.



15th-sold out show of a u2 tribute band by the name of Elevation rocked the night at Hot Stix Inc in london ontario
check photos out at http://www.angelfire.com/crazy2/66chargerfan/elevationphotos/
nothing happened
Plans are underway for a trip to banff and to maybe live in banff,slated for mid may, 1 of 5 of the latest trips to banff since 2001.
17th-24th Birthday (mom apparently books a flight from hamilton to calgary to leave may 11th)
11th-takeoff and fly to the west, i got worried that my parents would not like becoming empty nester's
rest of may, exploring and enjoying my new hometown, getting used to going out and drinking...
  • Climbed Tunnel Mtn 2 times
  • got a membership at the sally borden and tried to get fit.

Non Accomplishments-

  • while i was in the 1st part of may i was jobless. pretty much lving out of a bag in someones living room.

End of may- i finally get a job at the cinema. I am ever so happy.


June is a good month but is a month where more exploring is done, more having fun is enjoyed and the father drops in to say hi.
many days in june are spent sitting by the river playing guitar.
it was decided that i needed a job with better pay and benefits, and i went and joined safeway where i am today. i dont have any records to show exactly what day i started but it was mid june
1st-canada day, is enjoyed with brother and freinds at his new place.
2-5-spent telling everyone i had lost a job but had another one under my belt.
most of this month spending days off going to stampede and other well known shows and events near banff.
once again it is a month spent enjoying my 1st banff summer. We went up the gondola, and enjoying biking around the town.
1st-Albertas Centenial Celebration. The whole event across alberta is shown live on citytv calgary. I doubt you could be able to find footage of it...but if you do please let me know. Maren Ord plays later that night and after shes done the fireworks start...i only really got to see the last 5 seconds of them
20-30th-spent in hospital because my back hurt and i wasnt feeling well and i didnt know why.
October (The trees are stripped bare...From all they wear)
8th to 27th-Spent at home enjoying the nice weather, taking in some accupucture treatments and doing some chores.
1-30th-spent enjoying it back in banff, starting to snow, everything looks good, we even went to jasper ice glacier thing.
Parents arrive in banff
Paul Brant records his rocky mountain christmas at the central park gazebo. Some people are turned  away because of the way it is recorded. Some people just doint want to sing silent night 3,000 times. Showbizness sucks!!
sometime a week or 2 later we say goodby to our parents and enjoy the rest of the month.
25th (xmas day)-
spent on the hill at sunshine, the angel and main chairs at sunshine were closed most of the day because of zerp visibility....so wolverine and many of the goats eye area chairlifts are at full capacity...
31st(New Years Eve)
spent at a house party....loving it!!
happy new year
New Years Reso- Climb Tunnel Mountain again,its feesable but its tiring...later



a little under the weather this week, working on getting better...still
playing guitar tho..


hi dawn...


woo i love the old u2..

today i piced up my copy of u2's rattle and humm dvd, and watched the whole thing...to a funny thought of where are these friggin songs like gloria and ruby tuesday, looks likr im gonna have to watch it again to see them