1/26/2017

My Suicide Story(s)

I was young and frightful as everyone else is and can be at times when you are young.  I grew up knowing that if you take care of yourself and try to avoid the darker side of things that a future awaited you.
My future sounded bright back then,  always seemed like it was going to be good and lavish and fun. I never thought I'd be owning fancy cars and doing those kinds of things, and as I write this I don't think I'm ever going to be. That was never my dream that was never my goal. My goal was to myself and be who I ought to be. or at least try.
I was eager to use this new-fangled piece of technology the Personal Computer.  I quite loved commanding it to do what I want it to do. Loving the way you could work with it was really fun back in the day.
I was born in Ontario Canada and spent most of my life interacting and making friends and just doing what I could to help others. I believed in that you should be yourself which means that do what you want to do and meanwhile enjoy it!
it wasn't until a few years after high school that life took a turn for the worse, instead of loving myself and aiming high to at least be the best I can be, I started to think that I didn't mean anything to people I liked or loved and wanted to take my life.
That was Suicide attempt number one. It was because friends of mine online were saying I don't matter at all and saying rude things about me, which I know happens a lot since the involvement and invention of the internet. For once I  saw myself as being able to do things I hadn't thought possible years ago. I went from that attempt of suicide to starting to achieve things I never really looked forward to. like the year we went to Norquay and they finally got me on the chairlift to try skiing down the North American so that I could see things from other perspectives. That was tiring but gave me a chance to look at things I had seen as hard and unhappy with to being anywhere near it.
Part 2 Coming Soon

1/21/2017

were into 2017 by a bit

i am so sorry to have left you in the dust my 2-3 followers that i have. I havent been that busy i just have other ways to blog such as tumblr which makes me wonder how the heck i have been able to stay here and makes me think i should leave this blog because i have more blog followers there than i do here. Im still thinking there are lots of viewers here but maybe more there? i really dont want to move this blog or close it.

I started this blog back in 2004 or so. I left it unused and then in 2006 found a real name for it and called it livinginbanffnow.blogspot.com and used it as an active daily dose to talk about the town and then when i decided to move home id call it living in ontario now and its been like that since 2008 or so.

I dont think i am gonna close down my blog (this one most likely) ill just add that you can see more up to date blogs on tumblr. I think its darrenvox.tumblr.com and its got some great posts there and i stated that in the last half of 2015 or start of 2016 and i hoped to blog as much as possible


thanks for viewing this blog over the years, even if you followed. And what i miss so much about the blogging thing is the MEME's like the 20 things that are in youre room or where are you? and stuff

anyways ill talk to you all later




12/29/2016

2016 the year that was

January,
Celebrating New Year's Day at home, extension fully built just inside that needs to be finished.

February,  one of the last enjoyable Valentine's Day

March, mom dies of a heart attack,  on the 21st or 22 of the month.

April, I celebrate my birthday without mom and get a few things I wanted

May, sunshiny days ahead, still think of mom but think of her in good light

June, another month of things that I know happened and cannot remember them

July, another month of hot heat and lots of photographs. I did a few things at this time of year but they don't stand out

August,  a few events around here and there 4-5 months after mom has left us.

September
-arrival day for airshow and caught some really good pics of them
Golf tournament for BAMM
Rained out for first day of weekend airshow after being back.
Sunday me and dad go to watch airshow from nisoorri Rd

October
Thanksgiving
Haloween and pumpkin watching

November
Rememberance day at Stratford

December,
Very uneventful
Christmas
Then New Years is happening and we do this all again.

12/02/2016

why the long time?

it seems as if my living in ontario blog needs some updates. I am so sorry i haven't updated  lately, its either because im busy or not busy and i havent had alot of time or have forgotten.

Whats new you ask? not much. Im keeping busy and enjoying the end of the year,  as we inch ckoser to the last day of the year. This year isnt gonna be the best for me, i lost my mother 9 months ago. Sure my days are better and happier but any thoughts or her or when i think of times when mom was there i cry.

What i just said isnt new or big, that happens to everyone whos lost someone, wether through an accident or a heart attack etc. Its all matters of the heart that when someone dies, sure you will cry and sure you will have good days after and the thing is youull never stop thinking of him/her in a sense like you and someone else over a loved one dying.

There are times though that catch me off guard, when i see a pic on a computer screen that shows mom and i doing something like hearing the news that i was gonna graduate, a few years ago, still makes me cry, thats not new, we all do. We just dont cry whole heartedly like we did the moment i heard the news.

So that in conclusion is whats going on here in ontario, theres no snow here yet and i dont know when it will come, last year it was 12 degrees and warm and we bbqd from the front deck as we listened to christmas songs, still then mom was with us that time!!

anyways theres an update for this blog 

 

5/17/2016

sorry no updates...

i've been busy on other thugs and totally forgot about the blog and thought id update you all on whats been going on!!

After my mom passed (i hope you have all heard that my mom passed away by now) and its been hard but not that hard.. i just had one of those days where it hits you again. I was on dads computer beacause i was flying on my computer...and while chatting on my tablet to someone i looked up and saw a photo of mom on some beach and i teared up...i still beilive that any day after someone dies its very sad but nearly 2 months into  it, ive moved on but still have here in my thoughts once and a while...they'll never go away, but that's a good thing!!

Doing lots of grass cutting here and there, there are areas i cant get to because of mud and the old deck sitting there since last september or so... but i start now with the sold soccer field then move to the orchard and i then go do front yard and then i move to gangway and then im pretty well done. im noticing how the new cutter  has such a wide berth to it compared to the orange and white mower we had. Those cutters were small and took a loger cutting time but this one is huge i inly need like 3 or 4 swaths to cut the soccerfiled etc!! (except for the orchard)

As of this moment im flying for delta in A319 from MTPP to KATL #FS2004

i havent updated where i have been on my flightsim blog so im going to that one shortly..


Take Care
Darren Elliott
Owner of this blog




4/09/2016

Party of nearly 20 tonite

just finished a small party of a few people that had never met each other. People like jeff  and pam marks who hadnt met any of these people but then the ottawa side of the family were here to have a good time. they met my uncle and aunt from australia. They will mix and mingle tomorrow as well. quite alot of people here tonite, we have had more in the past but recently there hasnt been this many in the house…they just kept coming and coming…at first , annett came to help with clean up and to hang out. then the elliott’s from ottawa arrived followed by the wilsons and the germanns, then folowed by jeff and pam and then paul and cheryl arrived…it was interesting how the two arrived with each other like they did in the mid 80’s. Nowadays chreryl has 3 boys and lives in north vancouver, paul has two girls that live in southern california. 

so

anne and wally=2
gaye and scott=2
jeff and pam=2
ryan and jess=2
gord and sharon=2
gords wife and two kids=3
traci, dad and i=3 
carolyn=1
=17 people…wow…thats alot of heads to feed!! we all had enough cake…was fun ill be seeing alot of them tomorrow